#18: Field Notes

on grief and where to put it

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The Red Spot, Six N. Five, 2020

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Hello friend,

This is a collection of notes from my week that have been invitations to feel deeper into the heaviness and openness of grief.

I feel a bit odd writing this one… I don’t always understand how to relate to it. I don’t know where to put it. And yet, why is grief such a private experience in our culture?

I believe grief is not meant to be a solitary endeavor. Going at it alone, it can stagnate and clamp down in your body, becoming hard sediment in your heart.

I think it’s meant to be moved and fluid. And thus shared. Carried by the many, in all of its forms. many hands make light work or something like that…

It’s quite radical to be close to the passing process. I don’t have any tips or tricks. There is nothing that works to ease the reality. My anchors here have been reverence and presence and quiet. Keep opening to the moment as it is.

And poetry of course.

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I. a song
to listen to while you read

“One of us will die inside these arms,
eyes wide open,
naked as we came.”

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II. A Blessing
To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings Book by John O’Donohue

~that you would gather yourself
and decide carefully
how you now can live
the life you would love
to look back on ~

This book was gifted to me by a 93 year old woman, Mary, I befriended when I was living in Vermont. She grew up in the Irish countryside on a farm and we’d drink lattes while she recounted her favorite childhood memories. I think about her all of the time and send her blessings, wherever she might be, earthside or elsewhere.

I’ll buy this book for you if you’d like. Message me your address.

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III. A Poem
Everything Else Will Change - Franz Wright

What I'm going through
at this very moment
can never be changed.
It cannot be arrested.
It feels like the sun in your chest.

--Franz Wright

Particularly devastating and beautiful

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IV. A Talk
You’re Going to Die Podcast

This is one of my absolute favorite podcasts. Space and pace them out.

I really toggled on which one to include so I’m choosing two:

If you’re in the bay area be sure to take a look at their calendar for events (Poetry, Prose & Everything Goes)

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When death finds you, may it find you alive.

for my uncle pup.
Lida

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